Sunday, 27 July 2008

Darth Parsons




People often ask me, "Uncle Ed, how do you combine geopatriotism and down-to-Earth geobanter while being a great manager?"

But that's not what I want to talk about today.

I've been working my British behind off launching my Isle of Man in my maps !! I took a broadside from the freetards at their wacko conference about my MapVader product and I'm not going to let a bunch of pot-smoking sandletards have a better map of some bike racetrack in the Irish Sea. No siree. 10.0 to Uncle Ed.

Darth Brin and Sith-Master Page have instructed me to use my GColor powers to rid the planet of the rebel scum. My keynote at the rebel base showed the freetards that the Deflector Shield will be quite operational when they arrive. There is no Skywalker, only a pathetic beeping R2-D2 to be struck down by the righteous sabre of 'gol.

The teachings of Emperor Schmidt have been instructive. Like Sith-project Knol we will disrupt and destroy their communications. We will tempt them to the Dark Side with promises of CPC revenue sharing, split their ranks with promises of 'server uptime'. One by one their number will fall.

Dah-Dah-Dah da da-da da da-da. Dah-Dah-Dah dah-de-dah dah-de-dah. DAH Dud-De-Dah dah du-duddy-dah dad-dah dah-de-dauddy-dah duh dua dah de dah.

My plan. To turn the republic in to my instrument, and their best saviour

in to a pupil of Darth Parsons, Emperor of Maps.

Emperor Schmidt has revealed to me the true nature of the Google Moonbase project. We will turn it in to a weapon capable of projecting our power in to the far reaches of the Galaxy. This is the very reason that we as Googlers must maintain our absolute mission and use our Powers only toward the vision of the Emperor.

I have been entrusted with owning the maps and destroying the rebel base. With the help of my fellow Darth pupils breaking apart wikipedia and undermining the GPLv3 we will turn them in to Sith-projects like Android, it's very name turning the volunteers in to our robot minions. To be sent out and eat Nokia alive.

I say to you rebel scum, join me and we can rule the Galaxy together.

1 comment:

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